Dear Ally

We all have our plans, our intentions, things that we’re working towards, and that we hope to accomplish. But some of the absolute best gifts in my life have come out of those times when my plan got turned totally on its head. In those moments when everything comes to a screeching halt (or sometimes it’s a slow burn), it can be scary and confusing, and it’s natural for feelings of anger, frustration, and resentment to emerge. The “WHY is this happening??” comes out. Once as I was driving, I saw a man literally shaking his fist at the sky and I wanted to get out and give him a hug. (But he was screaming and flailing, and I wasn’t entirely sure he wasn’t on drugs ). So, I just sent him love and thought, “I get it, brother, I truly do.” We are tiny humans, drops of water in a huge ocean, and sometimes it’s so hard to understand what is afoot. But I’ve been through it enough times to realize that sometimes the very best, most liberating and fearless thing you can do, is give up your plan, throw it to the wind. Adjust to a new set of circumstances, chart a new course, and trust that something amazing is at play. There may be pain and anguish on the path toward amazing, but if you can walk that path with a tiny little smile on your face, and an easy gait even if the terrain is a little rough, it’s a lot better than scrambling to hold onto something that is no longer there, or trying to control circumstances. We get attached to our plans sometimes, and we fail to recognize that a new doorway has opened, that we are perhaps, capable of so much more than we dreamed, and that if we could only trust, surrender, open and breathe, the path would open. And it’s good to remember what Buddha said, there are many times when: “The obstacle is the path.” Sending you LOVE on your journey! Ally

Public Service Announcement: Your a$$ looks GREAT in those jeans. You have hair growing in all the right places. Life is beautiful and amazing and heartbreaking and confusing all at once, and it’s normal for you to have a wide range of emotions including joy, despair, anger, excitement, shame, insecurity, doubt, fear, feelings of being completely in the flow, and feelings of being completely outside of it, at any given time. Allow your feelings, acknowledge them and examine them. Don’t numb out! If you’re in pain, the pain can teach you something, it can open you and soften you and help you grow. You are LOVE. You are capable of spreading so much love every day, every moment. You don’t need to buy stuff to be happy, or to be worthy of love. You have all the keys to those things inside you. It’s okay to ask for directions. It’s okay to say “I don’t know”, “I was wrong”, “I’m sorry”. It’s okay to make mistakes. No one will operate from their highest selves in every moment. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Don’t read magazines that make you think your hips are 4 feet wide, or your biceps are too small. Don’t read gossip rags, they are poison for your soul and they feed the sickness of judging others. Stand up for people who can’t fight for themselves. Smile at strangers. Feed yourself well. Fight Monsanto. Vote. Engage. LOVE FULLY, put your heart all the way out there. Be fearless and be vulnerable when it comes to relationships. Have a good cry if you need one. Know that you are beautiful. Have a great day!!! Love YOU!!

Although we created time in an effort to organize our world (and have, it could be argued, become slaves to it), it is still useful to take serious stock every so often, and observe how things are with you. The kind of relationship you’re having with yourself will determine the kind of relationships you have with others. Traditionally, the end of each year is a good time to examine your inner worl…d and see if there are ways you might make it a more peaceful and loving place to be. Although truly, you can do this at any time. Since we do like the idea of starting over, of beginning again, of starting fresh, now is as good a time as any to consider what you’d like to carry along into this next year, and whether there are any things it might be nice to unpack and leave behind. Whatever we feed grows and strengthens, whatever we starve erodes and dies. So it’s worthwhile to be aware of what you’re feeding. The best thing I know to feed is the truth. That is, not how I want things (or people, or situations) to be, but just to observe with honesty and compassion, how things ARE. To accept. Sometimes we really lie to ourselves in so many ways. “I know this person is my soul-mate, s/he just can’t be with me right now because…” If someone wants to be with you, they will find a way. Realize that, because you already know that. “I’ll definitely be happy when I lose 10 pounds (or meet the right person, or have a better job, or buy that new car…)”. No, you won’t. Realize that, because you know that, too. “I can’t make a different choice at this point because…”. Of course you can, fear can feel overpowering, but you can always make a different choice. Realize that, because you know that, as well. I truly believe if we could just REALIZE even half of what we KNOW, life would be a lot simpler and a lot happier. The answers are inside. You have the only key to your own happiness, you are the only one who can unlock your own purpose, your own passion, your own joy, your incredible potential to love; realize that. Lies get in the way of that. Sometimes the way we are treating ourselves, the choices we are making, the direction we are moving, is getting in the way of that. If you examine WHY you want what you want, underneath it you probably just want to be loved and seen for who you are. Maybe your resolution this year can be to do that for yourself. Maybe that can be your starting off point. And maybe we can all realize a lot more of what we already know.

If you were a leaf, everyone would want to look at you and celebrate you in the Fall, when your color was the most vibrant, and you were expressing the fullness of all your experiences. But we cling to the green. People spend a ton of time and energy trying to look green, and we romanticize the idea of wiping the slate clean and being innocent again, having everything ahead of us again. But you can retain your innocence if you walk into each experience with curiosity. Nature is teaching us all the time that everything is always changing. Nothing living is exactly the same twice, so you can always walk into a situation with open eyes and an open mind and an open heart. And you can wipe the slate clean at any time. You don’t have to keep your past alive by feeding it too much energy. You can continually, “start again”. Allow yourself to open and grow and embrace your experience as it’s happening. Surprise yourself. You don’t have to put yourself in a box. You don’t have to decide you are “THIS” kind of person, or you would never do “THAT”. Allow other people and experiences to surprise you. Examine sweeping generalizations carefully. When we are “green” we are working it out…our time of greenness usually involves some confusion and loneliness and flailing about. The wind can really whip us around as we try to figure out our purpose, and what it is that’s going to allow our Fall to be full of color. Why cling to that? And as hard as we cling to the green, we also resist our Winter, the time when everything hardens, and gets brittle and cold. We forget to acknowledge and honor and celebrate the wisdom that usually comes when someone is granted a long and healthy life, and that frequently, although the body may harden, the heart can be at its’ softest and most open state. There’s nothing to cling to, and nothing to resist, it is happening. And if you consider areas in your life where you may be suffering, underneath that pain there is almost certainly a craving for something, or an aversion to something; craving and aversion are at the root of all suffering. At our core, if we keep craving the green and feeling aversion about the inevitable Winter, we will certainly suffer. If you can live your life celebrating all its seasons, rejoicing in your own growth, your expanding potential to spread love, and living in a way that recognizes your experience is fleeting, then you will truly want to be alive and present and open to each moment, you won’t want to miss or minimize or resist anything. You will want to embrace each breath, each conversation, each smile, each tear, each hug, each breeze, each rain, each sunrise, each heartbreak, each joy. Of course it’s human to fear the unknown, but if a leaf eventually falls to the forest floor, and is gently blown into the river, and that water ends up feeding the very tree the leaf grew upon, I think it’s pretty likely we all keep feeding the whole, feeding the LOVE.

If you were thinking about the qualities you might like in a romantic partner, probably some of them would include the ability to listen, to really hear you, and see you, and understand what’s true for you and what it is you need to be happy. Someone who would honor you and celebrate you, and also lovingly hold up a mirror for you if you weren’t living up to your highest potential. Someone who would cheer for you, and support you in your endeavors, but also know when to be quiet and let you be. Someone who would challenge you, and inspire you, and help you to open your heart even more. Someone who would bring you joy, and comfort you when you were feeling sad. The question is, how well are you doing these things for yourself? How well are you loving yourself? This life is a gift, your body is a gift, your existence is a gift, each day is a gift. Who are you to NOT love yourself? A lack of love for yourself is a form of ingratitude, and it’s usually accompanied by an outlook of scarcity. “Things aren’t going well for me, I don’t have what I want, my life doesn’t look or feel the way I want it to, other people have more, or have it easier, I never get any breaks…”. If any of that resonates with you, you’re probably not loving yourself very well right now. And usually, if you want to change your life, you need to examine your thoughts. If your outlook is bleak, it’s almost certain your “in-look” is bleak. Maybe it would be good to take another look. To start to treat yourself and see yourself and honor yourself and celebrate yourself the way you hope someone else might. Because no one else is likely to do that for you (and even if they did, it wouldn’t work!), unless you’re doing it for yourself first. The beauty in recognizing what a gift you are (and truly, how many gifts you’ve been given), is that once you do, you’ll want to share your gifts with everyone you encounter. And we need everyone shining as brightly as possible at this point. We need love like we need rain. We need to shower that love all over the place so that we can start to thrive and trust that we are all in this together, and that we are going to take care of one another. Fill your “in-look” with love, and let’s change the outlook together. LOVE!

Everything is always changing. Right now, this very second, the cells in your body are changing. We try to organize ourselves and our world in a way that we have something we can “hold onto”, something we can count on. Your “self” is the one thing that stays the same throughout your experiences. You can also call that “the witness”. But who or what is that witness? Is it you? Or is it a collective unconscious we are all a part of…? Is it possible that the “you” you think of as your “self”, is the very source we are all coming out of, and heading back into, eventually? It’s good to acknowledge the miracle that you, in fact, ARE. The more we connect to the reality that we are all ONE, the more each of us can contribute individually, in our own unique way, to the whole, to the LOVE. I think it’s much more beautiful to count on that, to recognize that you are made of love and that you can simply get busy healing if you need to, so that you can tap into that source and SHINE, than it is to hold onto ideas about your (small) self. “I’m THIS way, I’m THIS kind of person, I’d NEVER do that, I’m this way because this happened, and then that happened….”. Sometimes we hold on to old, sad stories and feed them to keep them alive, because at least, that’s something we can count on, we can control. But I’d shed that, drop that, starve that as soon as possible, and dive naked into the ocean, and recognize all is well. Sometimes you’ll swim against the current and struggle, but all is well. Sometimes you’ll get thrown against the rocks and experience incredible pain, sometimes you’ll float along, and be carried and supported with the sun shining brightly and a soft breeze blowing through your hair, and sometimes you’ll get pulled underneath, to the very depths of the ocean floor where it’s dark and hard to breathe, and you’ll think, no one knows I’m here, I’m lost, I’m alone, I won’t make it. Hopefully in those moments, that witness will speak to you, maybe in a very soft voice, and tell you to look up. Because always, there’s light, always, there’s love. You can count on that.

Try not to waste too much time or energy on regret. Any experience you’ve had, even the most heart-wrenching, has led you to this moment. And although your past will shape you, it definitely doesn’t have to define you. The most painful relationships in my life (and I’m not just referring to romantic relationships), have led to the most growth. Ultimately, they have opened me, brought me the most awareness about myself, and eventually resulted in the most beautiful gifts in my life. There may be people in your past or present who might owe you an apology, or at least some acknowledgment, and you may never get those things from them. That is part of their journey. Forgive them, as best you can, wish them love and light along their way, and get on with your own journey. If you loved and learned anything about yourself, it was not a waste of your time. We are all imperfect, and being human is not a linear experience. Life can be messy and complicated and confusing, and none of us will always be operating from our highest selves. The more you can accept and forgive yourself, the more compassion you’ll have for other people with all their struggles and confusion. If you make it about accessing as much love as possible from within your heart, and not so much about the “end result” of any particular relationship, you’ll appreciate all your experiences for what they have to offer. You can start to recognize more easily those relationships where you’re loving at your fullest potential, and surround yourself as much as possible with people who help you to do that. We are all made of love, but sometimes it gets covered by fear or anger or pain. Help yourself, (and in so doing, those you encounter) to peel away those layers so you can shine as brightly as you’re meant to, and spread that LOVE!

When our muscles burn and cramp, we take it as a sign of strengthening, it’s clear to us that growth is happening. Remember that your heart is a muscle, too. If it’s hurting, you can bet that you are growing. Try not to resist the feelings, even though they’re painful. See if you can allow the pain to open your heart, rather than harden it. Soon the “burning” part will be over, and you’ll have that much more strength, compassion and love to draw from. Maybe you can even smile to yourself just a little bit, even if you are in the “belly” of your pain. Something is coming, something is being birthed. If you want to be happy, love is the currency, and this is the “blood, sweat and tears” part. You can do it.

(originally posted to Yogis Anonymous facebook page on November 27, 2011)

Other people will only really know and understand you to the extent that you let them. If you expect people to be able to read your mind, you’ll be disappointed. If you push down the stuff you think is undesirable or “ugly” or “wrong”, you’ll feel alone for sure. Knowing yourself is at the core of any spiritual practice. That’s a gift, an unfolding that you experience yourself, but also something you (hopefully) share with all the people in your life. And it’s also what brings inner peace. Knowing what is true for you, what lights you up and what brings you down, knowing your strengths and your areas that need some work and attention, knowing the places within you that need some healing and compassion, understanding what you want, are all ways you also begin to understand how you can lift up the people around you. We are all spreading energy wherever we go, and knowing yourself is the clearest way to be accountable for the energy you’re spreading. Know yourself and share yourself so you feel seen and heard and understood and connected to the people around you. If you edit, and push things down, and wrap everything in neat little status updates, how can anyone ever understand your heart and experience your soul? Not everyone will dig it, but you’ll find the people who do. We are all part of something beautiful, and we can all contribute to that love in our own beautiful way. Let it out, shine it out, be fearless and be vulnerable. Trust that you are made of love, and realize the world needs more of it. Let some out today, why don’t you?

(originally posted to Yogis Anonymous facebook page on November 24, 2011)

We are taught that happiness lies in external STUFF. That if we look “right”, and have the “right” job and the “right” car and the “right” house and the “right” toys and the “right” person in our lives, then we will be happy. But if you (literally) BUY into all that STUFF, if you believe you are naturally “wrong” somehow, you will be in a perpetual state of want, of need, of craving (which feels awful). If your basic needs are met, if you have a place to call home, and food in your refrigerator, and clothes on your back, and a sense of purpose, then happiness lies in continually picking up your mind, and bringing it back to all the gifts you DO have, so that you fill your heart with the feeling of gratitude and abundance (which feels AWESOME). If you have your health, that’s a gift. If you have healthy children, you are blessedblessedblessed, Two arms, two legs, the ability to breathe deeply, all gifts. People in your life who love you, who are full of life and love and laughter and brilliance and quirkiness and all the things that keep life interesting, gifts. Your own personal journey, full of all its twists and turns, and every single person who has broken your heart wide open, all gifts. How else do we learn about ourselves? Thankfulness for all the disappointments, confusion, loneliness, and pain, because they all help us to recognize incredible joy and inexpressible gratitude. Thankfulness for this beautiful, amazing life. May we all find the strength to live life with our hearts wide open, to love each other fully, and to embrace this journey with curiosity, passion and trust. May those who are suffering, who have nowhere to go today and no one to be with, who have nothing to eat…may they know that there are many of us who care, and who want to help, and who will not stop working and trying until “We are all one” is not an idea, but a way of life. Happy Thanksgiving to all! I’m thankful for each and every one of you.