Be the Architect of Your Own Joy

lovingsomeoneIf a person is crazy about you, you’re going to know. It’s not going to be a mystery. I get emails from people every day who ask about various situations they’re in. This guy barely calls. This girl doesn’t make a lot of time for the relationship. This person is probably seeing other people. This one is separated or divorced, but still hanging on to their ex. This one used to like me, but I didn’t like her, and now I do and she doesn’t. I like this woman but she likes other women. I have a huge crush on this guy but he’s gay. Or married to my sister. Or dating my best friend. I like this woman but she has a boyfriend, but really she’s in love with me she just can’t hurt the other guy’s feelings. We used to go out and now we’re both dating other people, but last week we fell into bed and now it’s a mess. I like this girl but my family doesn’t. I like this guy but I’m too scared to tell him. I went out with this guy and it was amazing, but I never heard from him so now I stalk him. But just a little. Mostly on Facebook. Okay, sometimes I sit across the street from his house. He may have gotten a restraining order. But I’m pretty sure he’s gonna come around.

I’ve loved people who were distant or inattentive, or downright mean sometimes. I’ve crushed on people who sent very mixed messages. I’ve liked people who didn’t call. So we can talk about all that, but please. Please take the mystery out of this for yourself. If a person wants to be with you, they will find a way.

The real, painful issue to examine is why you’re giving so much of your precious time and energy to anyone who isn’t running toward you with everything they’ve got. Perhaps you’ve forgotten you’re made up of 37 trillion or so cells that have never come together in exactly the same way to be YOU at any time in the past, nor will they again at any time in the future. There are seven billion people on our planet, and only ONE, particular, amazing you. So why would you second-guess your value? If you undervalue yourself, and accept treatment that really isn’t what you deserve, you, my friend, are the architect of your own betrayal and your own suffering. The story to look at is never what the other person is doing; the story to examine is always the story of your participation. Participate in joy and freedom and recognition and celebration. In understanding and appreciation, and oh, wow, I’d almost given up hope I’d find someone like you. Choose love. You’re too incredible to wait around on stand-by for a boat that couldn’t dock where you are, anyway. Get out of the airport and head for the ocean. Sending you love, Ally Hamilton

4 thoughts on “Be the Architect of Your Own Joy”

  1. once again… just what I needed to hear.. my man friend of 10 years moved to Cali a year ago (I am on east coast) was to be for 7mths.. here we are 14 mths later.. and I am wondering what I am doing hanging on!! Thank you for the wake up call!!

  2. Hi Ally, thank you for replying the other day! It was so nice to hear back from you, it suddenly felt real to communicate across the sea over some weird cyber space! And thank you for this post. To be honest, I didn’t really want to read it, which probably meant I really must! So I did. Will digest… In time 😉 ! Hope you’re well! Good to hear you’re a dog lover, I’m one too. Just in the woods with my dogs as I send this. Sun is setting, gentle breeze… No one else around. Perfect evening. Nothing like dogs and nature to ground us, isn’t it? Love and thank you again, Jo xxx

    1. Yes, I totally get when we know the truth but aren’t ready to swallow it yet. No need to rush. ANd dogs and time in the great outdoors cure just about everything :) Lots of love XO

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