As we say goodbye to this year and welcome in a new one, I want to say thank you for all the beauty and pain and laughter and tears and love. I say thank you to those who let me down and to those who had my back (sometimes they were the same people because life is strange and human beings are complex). I say thank you for the incredible joy and little chubby arms around my neck, the squeals, the 9 billion questions that began with the words, “Mommy, why…?”. For awesome and boring dates and full inhales and complete exhales, and look at all you amazing people sweating it out with me in here, again. For all of you who took the time to comment here, to participate in these conversations, to send messages and emails that just blew me away, and even to the person who emailed to let me know she hated my writing. Yes, that happened and it was painful to my ego for a minute, and then really sort of funny, in the way that people can be with all their stuff, and in the way that makes you want to crawl through your computer screen and give the person a hug because you can tell they really need one. I say yes to every single time I’ve had my heart broken, because that’s when the growth happens. When you’re sitting in a pile of glass that used to be your house and realize all those shards reflect the story back to you so you can pick up the pieces, hold them up to the light, and really see, even if you bleed a little. Or a lot.
I say thank you because I have two healthy, happy, amazing children who show me how to go deeper all the time, so no matter what, I have no problems. And because I wake up and get to do something every single day that inspires me, that fills me with YES, and of course, this is it, this is why I’m here. I say yes because I do not expect to be positive and optimistic and happy and joyful every second of every day. I accept that sometimes I’ll be angry, or scared, or confused, disappointed, lonely, frustrated, ashamed. I say yes to all of it, and I say thank you because most days, most moments, I am just so blown away by it all. It’s such an insane ride, filled with constant opportunities to keep learning and growing. To be curious about how much your heart can open and expand. How much you can give. How much you can love. How willing and able you are to face reality as it is, to accept everything and to keep showing up with your hands and your mind and your heart open wide.
I say thank you, because every single moment in my life has led me to where I am right now. I have work to do, I believe we all have work to do, and will until our final exhales. I think we’re always in process, we’re never “done”. We’re human, not perfect. But I love the humanness, the messiness, the falls and scrapes and truth of the thing. Those moments of absolute connection, of genuine hugs, of real conversations, of presence. The staring at yourself in the mirror at the end of the day as you brush your teeth. The final overlapping thoughts right before you finally sleep. I think human beings are incredible, and have the potential to spread love that would rock this world if everyone got on board. I say thank you because I’m enjoying this ride immensely, even the parts that hurt, that I don’t understand. Not all the events themselves, but the chances to learn more. I used to be hungry for happiness, and now I’m hungry just to be awake.
I hope you can let go of anything that isn’t serving your own personal evolution, whether it’s a story you tell yourself, some painful thing you’re feeding and nurturing, a relationship that isn’t healthy, or a way of being that’s preventing you from recognizing how much you could be shining. Sometimes the work is figuring out what to throw overboard. Because, truly, you could blind someone with your light. I hope this next year is full of joy and truth, and when there’s pain, I wish you the strength to open to that, too. Happy, Truthful New Year!! (PLEASE don’t drink and drive!!!) Sending love, as I always am, Ally