“We ask advice, but we mean approbation” ~ Charles Caleb Colton
Except in rare cases, advice is pretty useless. No one else can tell us how our story “should” unfold, or what we should do. Generally people ask for advice when they’re feeling stuck, trapped, and/or paralyzed by fear. They know what they need to do, but are resisting the actually doing of it, or are hoping someone else will save them from having to face what they already know is true. To come up with a way around the work at hand. This is common when a person’s intuition is at odds with their attachments. We human beings can get attached to so many things: people (a good, healthy attachment in many cases), but also ideas about how things should be, how we should be, how other people should be, and what our lives or relationships should look like. The path is the path; it unfolds as it unfolds, there are no roads marked, “Should”. Opening to the journey, facing reality as it is, trying not to hurt others as you move forward, and using your intuition as your GPS is a great way to travel.
No one else can tell you the best route for you, or what you need for your growth and well-being, These are the roads you must travel to be at peace. And if you find yourself telling someone else how to live, even if they asked you, take a step back and recognize we never know what someone needs for their growth. Mostly, if people ask me for advice, I try to listen and ask questions, and see if I can help them hear more clearly the very quiet, but always truthful voice of their own intuition. To sort of quietly and kindly hold up a mirror. Because short of abusive situations a person needs to leave for their safety and their heart, I don’t know what’s right for anyone but me. Most of the time we know what we want to do, what we need to do, and what we’re going to do, and the asking is really a plea for someone to support our decision, or to sit with us as we grapple with our task.
There’s no such thing as an askhole ;). We need each other, that’s all. We need connection, and to be able to bounce ideas off each other. We need to cry together, and know we have people in our lives who will just hug us and not try to solve anything. Advice is pretty useless, but a great hug is priceless. Sending you love, and a mirror if you need one! Ally