“The Only Cure for Grief is to Grieve”

griefgrief [noun]

1.keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.

There’s no getting through life without grief; it’s built-in to the deal. You may grieve over the loss of your own innocence, for example. Sometimes things happen when we’re very young that are traumatic, like the loss of a parent, or growing up in an abusive environment. In those instances, it’s both healthy and necessary to allow yourself some time to mourn, or to be enraged, or to shed a full ocean of tears. I have two small children and I do everything in my power to protect their innocence because childhood happens once in a life. You can’t get it back. Few things make me sadder than a child who’s seen or heard or been through too much. If that was you, I really hope you find some compassion and kindness for yourself. I hope you give yourself permission to fully feel whatever you need to, to release the heat of the experience, and to forgive if at all possible, so that you can unhook your journey from events of long ago. That’s a very big part of loving yourself. Acknowledging what was, what you were taught, and unlearning it so you can forge something completely different for your “what is”, for your, “I Am.” I know too many people who never face their pain and end up dragging it around with them forever, spilling it all over everything. It doesn’t have to be like that.

Sometimes the losses come later. People we’d do anything for are ripped away from us without warning on a Friday morning, or a Wednesday evening, or any moment of any day. It can all change in an instant. That’s an uncomfortable and heartbreaking reality to face that can fill you with fear, or inspire you to live every moment with your heart wide open and your mouth full of thank you. Some losses are so devastating you wonder how a person can survive it. How they can get up in the morning and just breathe in and breathe out. You can’t hide from grief like that, it’s going to overtake you for a good long while, unfolding like chapters in a book–shock, despair, anger, confusion and heartache. Those are the kind of losses that create incredibly compassionate people who have to somehow learn to live with that space in their heart that belongs to someone who can no longer be hugged.

Maybe you’ve given up on yourself. That’s a huge loss in life, when a person no longer believes in themselves. It usually goes along with the loss of hope, trust, faith. If that’s the space you’re in, mourn the loss of your spark, your Yes, your purpose. Acknowledge it and grieve over it so you can put it to rest and begin to birth a new way of being. So you can find your yes again. Underneath the grief and rage and pain, there’s a well of love that is limitless. It’s your comfort and your warm blanket on a cold night. It’s your shoulder to lean on, and the hand that reaches for you in the dark when you can’t see the way, and even doubt that that there is one. But you simply cannot tap that reservoir without diving into those keenly painful waters first. Sometimes those losses make us painfully aware of how fortunate we are: “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” ~ A.A. Milne

Sending you love, strength, and a hug if you need one. Ally

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