I think I could make a pretty solid case that fear is at the root of the most uncomfortable feelings in life:

Jealousy – the fear that someone else has something you don’t, and that because they have it, you never will.

Shame – the fear that you aren’t worthy of love.

Guilt – the fear that you are not a good person.

Doubt – the fear that you won’t be able to live up to your potential.

Anxiety – the fear that something awful is going to happen.

Frustration – the fear that things will always be as they are now.

Rage – the fear that you are being hurt because you’re unlovable.

Resentment – the fear you are being taken for granted.

Hatred – the fear of something you don’t understand, that challenges or threatens your belief system.

All these feelings are natural and perfectly human, but I think if you look at it spelled out this way, you’ll see that almost all our fears are based on illusion. When we’re in the grip of fear, it certainly doesn’t feel that way, but it’s important to recognize feelings aren’t facts. They arise, they peak, and they subside, like everything else in life. Sometimes people who’ve been hurt, disappointed, betrayed, neglected or discarded, adopt fear as an outlook, as a way of being. I really can’t think of anything lonelier than walking through life this way, feeling you can’t count on anyone, including yourself. Fear is debilitating mentally and physically. It shuts us down and closes us off. It makes everything seem harder than it is.

Love is at the root of all the most amazing feelings in life. It opens us up and creates the path toward connection. I truly believe when you boil it down, we’re either motivated by fear or by love. Fear sits huddled in the cave, cold and small, and says, “I can’t go out there, and here are all my reasons why.” Love busts out of that cave and says, “I don’t know exactly how I’m doing this, I’m certainly full of flaws, but let’s do this thing, anyway.” The best path to love is discovering your gifts and sharing them freely, with abandon. That’s the stuff that gives us a feeling of purpose and meaning. If that’s your motivation, you just won’t spend much time being held back by fear. Not that it won’t creep in from time to time, and try to talk you back into that cave, and not that you won’t still end up in there when you’re feeling tested, but just that you’ll be too busy and too committed to sharing whatever you’ve got to really let it grab you for long. The cave isn’t much fun, after all and fear only works if you buy into it. I’d stop buying if you haven’t already.

Sending you lots of love!

Ally Hamilton