It’s so easy to get caught up in this lie of living to work. Of racing through the day. Of being so tired and distracted when you are with your loved ones, you really might as well be somewhere else. All with this idea that it will “get better when…”
We’ve set up a crazy system where we’re all separated from each other; we have glorified self-reliance to the point of isolation. We’ve bought into the idea that we must compete to survive. It’s good to be able to take care of yourself, to be accountable for the energy you’re spreading, to take responsibility for your own happiness, or lack of it. But we are so much on our own that in order to survive we believe we have to race. I think thats just a form of numbing out. Of avoiding the reality that we are all going to die one day. Maybe if I’m insanely busy I can forget my days are numbered. When I see people out in the world, mostly they look stunned, dazed, depressed, asleep. I want to say, “Wait. What are you doing? This is your life, it’s happening right here, right in this moment. Why are you sleeping?!” There are many times I want to hug someone awake. Total strangers. Hug-to-hug resuscitation.
If your entire focus is on racing, there’s really no time to be breathing. Listening. Tinkering. Exploring. Soaking in all the beautiful moments that are going by in a blur, that will never happen again. And if you want to be at peace, it must seem obvious that racing isn’t the way to get there. Because peace doesn’t come in a paycheck (assuming you have your basic needs met, of course). If you’ve got a roof over your head and clothes on your back and good health and food in your refrigerator and people in your life who love you, You. Are. Blessed.
In our crazy system, it would be very easy to race right over that reality. To take it for granted. To want more, something different, something bigger or better or new. To think you can appreciate all that stuff you do have when things calm down. Things will NEVER calm down unless you take yourself out of the race. I’m not saying you shouldn’t work hard. But I am saying if you’re doing something you love, if you can carve out some time every day when you feel like you’re helping people in any way, it’s not going to feel like work. I do not accept you are here to work at a job you can’t stand 80 hours a week, living for a vacation one week out of the year, collapsing on the weekends, accruing money and stuff. I do not believe anyone really wants to wait until they’re retired to start enjoying life. I mean, better then than never, but what makes any of us think long life is guaranteed? That love can wait. That our deepest dreams can be kept on the back burner? Or maybe you know all this already. Maybe you’re not racing, but perhaps your quiet moments are spent in despair instead of gratitude, because you are just not allowing yourself to act upon that voice inside you that knows what you want.
Osho has a beautiful quote, “The real question is not whether life exists after death. The real question is whether you are alive before death.” Don’t wait. If there’s something deep within you crying out for your attention, something pulling at your heart and weighing on your soul, something that is just longing to come out of you, open your mouth and sing it out all over the place. That’s your purpose. That small voice knows exactly what you need to do, which direction you need to move, what action you need to take to start living the life you want to be living. Denying yourself that roadmap is senseless and it’s also an act of ingratitude. Because you’re not only denying yourself all the light and love that is available within you, you’re denying everyone you encounter as well. It’s not watering the flower inside your own heart. Can you get the picture of a wilted daisy in your mind? That’s what’s happening inside your heart if you are ignoring it. You have to water that flower if you aren’t already. You might have to water it with an ocean of tears for awhile. But being awake and in pain long enough to heal and find freedom and live your life with your heart wide open is so much better than being asleep. You could be shining. You could be loving your life, with all its imperfections and surprises and challenges, and even with its pain. You could be joyful and grateful to be on this journey even as it breaks your heart. Isn’t that crazy? Life won’t wait forever. Love won’t happen in your past or your future, but you could dive into it right now. I hope you do. Sending you an ocean of love to dive into. Ally